cont.

This has been one of the most successful, busy yet rewarding semesters at Cornell yet. Going down to Texas and securing a fellowship, then going down again and passing those darn tests... that's good stuff. Maybe I'm not used to actually getting things, but I have this... underwelmed feeling. Like things haven't been hard enough. That's going to change soon enough. But it's also that I don't quite feel satisfied in general. Maybe it's that I'm missing a certain element in my life... Forcing myself to kind of push Flo away has created a void which hasn't been filled. What is cool though is that I've hung out with some pretty crazy chicks lately. The Ale House with Monica was crazy. I've become good friends with Julia, whom I only knew by her column before, and it turns out we're kind of the exact same person. Hanging with Terry is always fun, and it's unreal she BOUGHT a condo in Cincinatti. Helen is an awesome girl who's studying abroad in Switzerland next semester... she's pumped and I'm pumped for her! Overall, I've become friends with a lot of cool new people this semester. But who's the person I can ALWAYS chill with? I'm just asking the question; I'm not sad about it. Those last two sentences are aimed at the future me and anyone who could read this and think Wow, this guy is anxious.

Today

Right now, I'm feeling a lot of emotions. Most of them very good. Right now, I'm feeling ambitious, driven, strong, versatile, up-and-coming, even. Yeah, it's a form of narcissism to keep this blog, and maybe even more so to go ahead and create a blog post that begins with what I think of myself these days. But maybe (it's more endearing) to go ahead and say perhaps the most over-arching emotion I am feeling right now is confusion. I don't think I'm completely lost, but socially I find myself too spread out. My best friends aka my three apartment mates are great and I see them every day, but I... It's mostly that there's so little time left in Ithaca. It's also that I'm hanging out with a girl with a boyfriend. It's also that I haven't found someone to really Talk to since Flo left, someone who I can talk to about goofy things, serious things, future things, and then snuggle with. I know that's unhealthy to miss her after so much time has passed, and after I promised myself that I would try to live without her completely. What does that mean?

Anyways, there's a lot going right in my life right now. This weekend I'm headed to Boston with some randos and hopefully my sister is also tagging along. I'm going to be staying with Tiffany, whom I haven't seen in a really long time. I also hopefully will be seeing Uncle Zhung and Nana and Papa. I'm rock climbing with Garret on Saturday and it's marathon fever in Baastin. (Where the hell did that shirt go?)

Mom's friend, Anita Watkins, has been tremendously generous and helpful, what with her ESL program. On Thursday I'm going to sit in on an advanced-ESL class at Hasbrouck, then on Monday or Tuesday I'm going to drop in on Anita's class near East Hill Plaza. She sent me an email today mentioning that a post doc is trying to set up an ESL program during may / june, and that this may be a way for us to both 'get our feet wet together.' Hopefully I'm around for four weeks of that!!! That would be tremendous. Anita could also be a stupendous reference. I should have looked her up earlier. I should also go down to the high school and sit in on real ESL classes, that is those most similar to what I'm going to be doing in Austin.

Other than all that... I guess I just love my parents and my sister. It'll be tremendous to leave Ithaca and the proximity of mom and dad. It's crazy thinking that I'm going to pack my belongings in three or four bags and fly down to Austin a week after graduation. It's what dad did when he was younger. It's especially intimidating because I know this job is going to be hella hard.

Mom has told me this story a couple of times: leaving for Stanford grad school, dad took a plane across the country with all of his stuff in a big suitcase. Mom met him some time later. I used that suitcase to carry most of my stuff to Denmark. Now I'm going to see Tiffany and hopefully Matt, Kathleen, Emily, Lucy...